As the World Began: February 2006

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Valley. Part II: Vision and Paradox

If the story ended with deafening emptiness of silence, all would be lost; but God is more faithful to me than I am to my sin.

As I began to question the Almighty, I was painfully reminded of God's response to Job after he poured out his complaint before the Lord:

"'Who is this that darkens counsel
By words without knowledge?
Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct me!
Where were you when I...'" (Job 38:1-4a emphasis mine)

Where was I when God laid the foundations of the earth? Where was I when the morning stars sang together with all the angels at the glorious dawn of Creation? Where was I when God spoke the sun into existence and its triumphant brilliance burst through the darkness of nothingness? Where was I when the imaginative Creator fashioned Man after His own likeness and declared the undeniable excellence of His masterpiece? Where was I when this same God stepped down into the realm of His own Creation and took on flesh to bear the penalty for my sin? Where was I, where was I?

It's interesting to note that God never answered Job's questions of "why" God did what he did. He only had to give Job but a shadowy glimpse of His character for Job to fall on his face and repent in dust and ashes.

It is here that we find the purpose for the Valley in our lives, for it is in the desolate emptiness and barren wasteland of adversity that God reveals Himself most to us. The Valley becomes the place of Vision.

The Puritans understood this fundamental reality:

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells, the brighter thy stars shin;
Let me find
thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley.

Though I stumble through the valley of uncertainty and despair, I am reminded by the psalmist to lift my eyes up to the one who holds things together by the Word of His power:

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth." (Psalm 121:1-2)

I do not know how far I have to go or how long I have to wait, but I do know that I will walk through the Valley, if He wants me to.

And as I wait patiently on the Lord and earnestly yearn for His salvation and redemption, I prepare for the inebriating moment of liberation.

I prepare for...

The Valley. Part I: Silence

Life can be draining; circumstances, intimidating; and fears, overwhelming.

For the past five weeks or so, God has thrown a whole lot o' trials my way. Some are more obvious than others, but the point being that each has definitely taken its toll on my spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being. It became quite apparent about a week ago that I was intensely struggling in some of life's fiercest storms and desperately entangled with sin that I just couldn't seem to overcome on my own. And I couldn't (not in my own power, that is). I began to despair; desperately trying to find answers to impossible questions and wearing myself out to the point of total and utter exhaustion (just ask the Paasch's).

During this entire ordeal, I kept coming back to a fundamental question: "What can you do when what you feel begins to trump everything you've ever known; when the shroud of darkness begins to envelope your soul; when hope doesn't just seem remote or distant, but completely and utterly removed?" I couldn't help but scream inside, "Oh, God! Where are You?" David's bitterly honest words echoed the plea of my own stormy soul:

"To You, O Lord, I called
And to the Lord I made my supplication:
'What profit is there in my blood, if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise You? Will it declare Your faithfulness?
Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me;
O Lord, be my helper!'" (Psalm 30:8-10 emphasis mine)

Lyricist Dan Haseltin wrote these haunting words:

Take,
take 'til there's nothing
nothing to turn to
nothing when You get through
won't You break
scatter pieces of all
I've been
bowing to all I've been
running to.

where are You?

Did you leave me unbreakable?
leave me frozen?
I've never felt so cold
I thought You were silent
I thought You left me
for the wreckage and the waste
on an empty beach of faith
was it
true?

where are You?

Scream
deeper, I wanna scream
I want You to hear me
I want You to find me
I, I want to believe
but all I pray is wrong
and all I claim is gone
well, I, I got a question
yeah, I got a question

where are You?